Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
