You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
