Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
