Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
how does that bad decision feel?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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