I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We left the knife in your bed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize