My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
