I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
