im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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