Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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