I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
