Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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