I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize