Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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