i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
