U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
