What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize