i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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