well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
