woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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