Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
