we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
