She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
MIDGETS
????
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
