I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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