Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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