just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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