I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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