i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
