Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
