if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
