you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
