the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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