How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
