ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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