he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize