We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
