Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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