yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
