my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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