My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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