Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
