We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
