you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
