I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
