Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
