so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
