Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
