Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
