I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
