I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
