i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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