Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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