I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
