mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
