eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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