Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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