It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
