I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
