I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
