Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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