All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
