Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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