Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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