He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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