What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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