I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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