I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
