So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
