think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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